CHIVALRY IS DEAD! Is it, Ladies? Or Did We Take Part In The Murder??

I was speaking with a coworker one day at work, Cameron. This is a coworker that knows that I'm all about a man showing chivalry: Opening doors on buildings to let women go in or out first, letting a lady get in front of you at the check out line, opening car doors, etc. So he proceeded to tell me that he was going into a store, and a lady approached the same door. He opened the door and stepped back so the lady could enter first. He said the lady told him, "Oh no, YOU go ahead." He then said, "No, please. You are a lady, you go first." The lady continued to go on and on with him about it, until finally, he gave in and entered the store before the lady.

**********************************CONFESSION*****************************************

Ok, I admit. I was seeing this guy one time that believed in ALWAYS opening the door for me. He wouldn't be caught dead letting me open my own car door. I remember one day, we were getting ready to go somewhere. I was getting ready to open my car door, and he said, "DON'T YOU DO IT!" It was hot, I was tired, my feet were hurting, I was hungry, and I'm a Gemini, so I said, "Ugh! You don't have to open my car door for me ALL THE TIME, ya know?!" He said, "Tameka, I'm a man, and you are a woman, so therefore, yes, I do."

I had to come right back and apologize about the incident.

Aside from him, the "what should be" normal pulling the chair out so your lady can sit, opening doors, kissing a lady's hand, holding her umbrella in the rain, putting her jacket on for her, is close to non-existing. Somewhere, somehow, someone is still doing it all, but it's not often that you find this. Just like the lady and my coworker, this is probably a lady that absolutely forgot that there are guys that will still do it to make us feel special, because they appreciate ladies, or they do it just because they are natural gentlemen, like my boy Cam. When you aren't used to it, you don't know how to accept it, and you don't even realize when you should just go with it and appreciate it; just let it happen.

In my case, I'm not so used to it, so when the guy that I was dating was doing it so often, I had to get used to it.......with an attitude. It was even annoying at times. At first, when a guy would open a door for me, and this is no lie: I would be like, "I'M NOT HANDICAPPED! I CAN OPEN A DOOR BY MYSELF!" I never had a man in my life as a young girl to do little cute things for me, so I had NO IDEA that it was "nice" for a guy to "take care" of me in that manner. The ex: There were many times when he would say, "HOLD UP! DON'T TOUCH THAT DOOR!!" Because I would put my hand on the door ready to open it; it just wasn't built in to me to expect it in the first place. Sure, there have been times when I would go to a store or something, and a stranger will hold the door open for me; it even happens at my job. I can be coming in from lunch and back into the building, and a customer can be coming in at the same time, and he will step aside and let me in first. THEN, there are those SEVERAL that walk in right before me.



*************************EXPERIENCE COMING UP NEXT**********************************



One day, I was going into a gas station, and an African American "gentleman" was going in before me. He walked in the store and let the door close on me. I actually had to open the door back to go in! The attendant saw the incident and said, "He tried to close you up in the door didn't he?" He never realized that he did it. Before somebody says, "MAYBE HE DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BEHIND HIM", (I know my readers so well) He did know I was behind him, because he spoke to me as we both were walking toward the door.

One of my classmates was telling me that she and her two small children were at the mall one day,and these guys were sitting on a bench. She was pushing her children in a double stroller and struggled to open the door to go into one of locations. She said the guys just sat there and watched her, and even made a remark about how cute her kids were. WOW! Never got up to offer help with the door.






Ladies: if a man stands back to let you enter into a place first, if he opens your car door, if he pulls your chair out for you, order your food for you, etc. BY ALL MEANS, let him do it, and let him know that you are appreciative. No matter how much smack I talk, I totally do believe that there are SOME gentlemen out there that does these things naturally. They do it because it's in their hearts and they feel as if that's the way things should be done. A HANDFUL of men still feel as if women are special and should be protected and nurtured. So many of us have been beaten and battered, (mentally and physically) that we don't recognize when someone comes along with a gentle touch. We are numb, because we are so used to the rap songs calling us bitches and "hoes", and showing our naked bodies as if they are no longer our temples. We are used to the R&B songs that make it seem like we are sexual objects. We are used to the non-chivalry that we may run into every day, but this is why we should cherish each and every moment that we are reminded that chivalry is not buried.

In my eyes, chivalry can come in the form of opening doors, all the way down to a gentle smile. Let us no longer NOT recognize a gentleman's gesture and attempt at chivalry. I also totally believe that we have to speak to our men and stop believing that they can read our minds. Yes, most things are common sense, like, approach me like a lady, respect me as a lady, talk to me like a lady, etc. Don't approach me and tell me to "write your number down." (Yes, this happened.) We have to speak to these guys and tell them what we want. If you want your door opened, tell him. If you want to tell him what you want to eat and for him to tell the waiter, tell him. (This is a good way to see if he pays attention to you.) If you want him to pull your chair out, tell him. So many things can be changed with communication.

Too many times, we sit back and pout, because "he" doesn't do these things, and should know better. I have become very vocal about what I will, won't, can't and won't accept. I'm not extremely demanding, but I know what I want, and whoever is with me, or around me will have to know this. For them to not oblige will eliminate any unwanted trash.

Chivalry may seem to have been dead at some points, but there's no reason for us, as ladies, to not be able to bring it back to life. TALK! COMMUNICATION! PUTTING YOUR FOOT DOWN! OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT!


***************TELL THEM THAT YOU GUYS AGREE WITH ME, TEMPTATIONS!***********





#AndI'mThrough

TOE PORN!

DUDE! FOR REAL! WHAT IS UP WITH MEN AND TOES!!!???


I have run across some strange'o rama guys lately that just really want to see my feet!!!!!!

Ok, I was on Facebook one day, and this guy added me as a friend. He looked decent, didn't look crazy or whatever, so I went on and added him, plus I think I may have been on my way out the door to go to work or something, so I just clicked accept. So an hour passes, and this guy sends me an inbox and says, "Can you text me a picture of your toes?"



So I said, "What?"

He came right on back at me and said, "Please text me a picture of your toes."

I said, "Please tell me that you are joking."

He said, "No, I'm not joking. I have a fetish, so PLEASE send me a picture of your toes. PLEASE!!! Here is my number ..........." and he actually gave me his number!

I went to this dude's page, because I'm like, WHO ISSSSS THIS CLOWN???

This guy is married and has pictures of him and his wife all up on his joint!

I was just about to hit the *delete* button, and he sent me a note right back:

(I guess he was hot because this note was in all CAPS)

"ARE YOU GOING TO TEXT ME THE PICTURE!! I REALLY DO HAVE A FETISH! PLEASE HURRY AND SEND IT!*

I couldn't delete that joker fast enough!!




Funny thing is though, this is NOT the first time someone has requested pictures of my feet! I'm like, can you get to know my middle name, my favorite desert, my favorite color, or even....MY FIRST NAME before you go asking for pictures of different body parts? How about a picture of my face?
All I could picture was some weirdo with a shrine of pictures of different women's feet with candles lit all around it as he sits in a chair in front of the shrine with a bottle of lotion and:




Guys on Facebook have this issue real bad. Somebody posted on my wall one day, " I bet you have pretty feet! I just bet you do! "

I have had the little instant messenger box to pop up with requests to see my feet. I mean, no "Hello", "How are you", "What you doing?" or nothing. Just: AY. LET ME SEE YO DAWGS!

Oh, Oh Oh, I had a guy to ask me to part my hair down the middle and post a picture of my SCALP and put it on Facebook because he didn't believe that my hair was real.
Once I told him that I felt like he was either three sheets in the wind, or slightly crazy, he said, "Ok, I can see how that can seem weird. Well, here's my number. Just text me the picture."



I guess I will never understand the strange requests of some guys though, but seriously, the toes thing kind of shakes me a little.

For the ones that want to see some feet, here you go:

THE DRINK THROWN IN THE FACE HEARD AROUND THE WORLD!

I'm sure my fellow Basketball Wives junkies already know what this blog is about just by reading the title! Ever since I first saw the preview for the show where Eric throws the drink in Jennifer's face (which at the time of me writing this blog was a week ago), I was all in Jenn's corner! I was like, how dare he throw that drink in that girl's face! No matter what she said to him, that was flat out disrespectful, and he is a punk for doing it! Now, fast forward a week, and the show airs. I wouldn't miss it for the world, because I couldn't wait to see that part and see what happened to lead up to the ugly event. Picture it:

Jenn and Eric are sitting at the table. The conversation begins to get a little heated because Jenn says something about "Eric should have checked his mother" about some situation that had gone on between her and his mother. He was like, "What? Check my mother? Are you crazy? THAT'S MY MOTHER! Nobody checks my mom, ya know what I'm sayin'?" Which I kind of agree with him, because there is a huge difference between "Checking" mom, and respectfully telling mom to mind her own business. Anyway, it gets a little more heated, so he gets up to walk away and end the conversation. All of a sudden, Jenn says, "Whatever" and picks up a drink and throws it at him. She did it calmly as if she didn't expect a response. He politely turns around and picks up a drink that was on the table and THROWS it HARD in her face, leaving her to look like a shocked, sad, embarrassed, wet poodle. She got up from the table looking all weak and helpless and says, "I WILL *bleep* YOU UP!" (((Come on, Jenn. Really? You're embarrassing yourself even more.))) I have to give it to Eric though, I hate the fact that he threw the drink in her face, I absolutely HATE that, but at least he did just walk away.

IF YOU CAN'T PICTURE IT, HERE IT IS:



My thing is, ONCE AGAIN, I hate the fact that he dashed her with the drink, but all the time I was waiting to see the show, I had no idea that she had thrown a drink at him first. Was she right for thinking that he wouldn't retaliate? Yeah, probably so, BUT........ I totally believe in not doing something to someone that you wouldn't want done to you. When I saw that she was getting ready throw the drink at him first, I was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! PUT THAT DRINK DOWN!!!!!!!" I felt almost disappointed in her for doing it. She says that there was never any physical violence in their marriage and I really hope not, but seeing the way he acts and how he did that.......

***** I KNOW THAT THE MEN THAT SAY I "MALE BASH" ALL THE TIME WILL LOVE THIS NEXT PART *****

Now, I'm a woman, and I can honestly say that too many of us feel like we can get away with things just because we ARE women. We are known to be delicate creatures, and we absolutely want to be treated as such, but yes, we can really get out of hand sometimes. I have seen women get in a man's face and YELL as if she was a man, herself. (Ok, yes, I have done this before, but I was younger and had no idea about being a lady). I have seen women totally disrespect men in public and talk to them as if they were children. Now, me personally, I do NOT want a man that would allow me to disrespect him and treat him as less of a man; that's just not sexy, but there are a lot of men that allow women to get away with this, which gives her the right to continue to walk all over him.

Was Eric totally wrong for what he did?

BEFORE WOMEN GET MAD AT ME FOR EVEN HAVING THE NERVE TO ASK THAT QUESTION, JUST CALM DOWN AND THINK ABOUT IT FIRST, THEN READ ON:




The only difference in their actions is that she threw the drink at his back, and he tossed his in her face. He didn't physically harm her in any way. The drink wasn't able to put any bruises or scars on her face. I was honestly assuming that he had found out that she was dating the light skinned cutie, Will, and got mad and dashed her with the drink. I was absolutely LIVID because of that assumption.

I'm not TOTALLY in this man's corner, but I'm not TOTALLY in Jenn's corner either. In my eyes, SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE THROWN THE DRINK IN THE FIRST PLACE, and HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAN ENOUGH TO HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY WHEN SHE DID IT. #AndI'mThrough

Is it me, or are men acting more and more like nagging, spoiled women?

Picture it: A lady is sitting alone at a bar. An extra FINE, tall, well groomed man comes in. He approaches the lady, and they fall into a deep conversation. They find out that they have several similar interests. He's interested in her, she's interested in him. They begin to date. Everything is going great.....until.....he needs to be pampered, burped and patted like a newborn baby!

When the hell did all this happen?

I have been single for a while now, with the occasional dating from time to time when someone sparks my interest....which isn't often. When I begin to get close to them, I realize that they are brats! Adult brats that require a lot of attention!

There was *********************. (all names have been hidden to protect the guilty.) Now, ******************* seemed to have potential. Good looking, well groomed, smelled good, and was older than I, which my mom told me a long time ago that I needed to date someone older than me, because the guys my age just weren't "ready". Although that's true, YOU GOT ANY OTHER BRIGHT IDEAS...MOM? Seeing that you got married BEFORE your only child and all....
Anyway, ****************** and I had some good conversations with him, until I found out that he had a cuddle fetish. I used to love cuddling, until I got used to not getting it when I wanted from guys that I dated. Now, I cringe at the thought of laying on somebody's check while we watch movies. Plus, I'm never comfortable in that position anyway. Yes, I'm telling the truth...But *********************always wanted to lay around on me, kiss me in public, WITH TONGUE, (ugh!) and me to rub my fingers in his hair as he laid in my lap. Now, I told *******************that I had an issue with cuddling in the beginning, but he was flat out determined to change me. Then, he started throwing hissy fits when I just refused to cuddle! There were times when I would, just to get him to shut up. I honestly believe I was trying to force myself to like him, because he seemed to be everything I needed. So, I got tired of his bitching and moaning, and let him go.



*I don't have a real problem with cuddling. It just has to be with someone that I truly like, and it can't be FORCED on me. Now, I know how guys feel when they are being forced into marriage!*

There was &&&&&&&&&&&. He was ok, but I knew he wouldn't be able to hang from the beginning, but I was bored, so I let him stay for a while. When we got closer, he started having all kind of issues with what other guys were saying on my Facebook wall, what they were saying on my pictures, etc. Somebody could come through and put on my wall, "Hey girl! Long time no hear from! Looking good! I hope everything is going great with you." He would swear this dude wanted to dig me out of my draws! I blocked him off so he couldn't see anything anybody posted on my wall. He eventually figured that out, and started having issues with that. Yep, if you know me, you already know what came next.......YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK! GOODBYE!

I see it from men that approach me that I'm not interested in: "I can't have your number!?! Oh you must be a dike."

To men that I decide to date: Guy: "Why didn't you call me back like you said you would? I was waiting on you. (pouting and sniffling)
Me: "Because I told you that TWO MINUTES ago!"

To the ex boyfriend: "Angela gave me the attention I NEEDED, so I left you for her back in the day, but ummmmm.....I was wondering if you could give me a second chance?"


I have worked with men at jobs that seem to continuously bitch and moan about stuff that doesn't even really mean anything. If something doesn't go their way, or how they think it should go, everybody has to hear serious whining, complaining and nagging. (Have you ever really listened to a pack of guys having a conversation about something that doesn't seem fair? OMG! IT'S HILARIOUS......and annoying.)

Men are beginning to gossip more and more too. The normal "Barbershop Talk" has been common for years and years to come. One thing I can admit though; when men gossip, that talk stays inside the barbershop. When women come out of the beauty salon, they are on their cell phones passing on the information before they even get their second foot out of the door! I knew a few that texts people overheard information while they are sitting in the beauty salon chair! (if this one bit you in the butt, my bad.)

Men constantly complain about women being bitchy and naggy, but hell, it seems to me like the roles have switched drastically. More women, including me, are getting tired of hearing the bitching, moaning and nagging from men, and men are doing a lot more bitching, moaning, and nagging. I had been thinking about this subject anyway, but it was just funny to see some women talking about it on Facebook and Twitter, AND to overhear some women talking about it randomly in Wal Mart!
Something that is really funny to me is that when I call them out about bitching and moaning, they have the same excuse that women have. "IF I DON'T YELL AND THROW A FIT, YOU WON'T HEAR ME!" That .............is..............HILARIOUS!!!!!! And God forbid I just come out and tell them that they are acting like a woman! I would have to take cover!

When I bring up the subject about women wanting to be pampered and taken care of, that opens up a huge argument with the fellas! Men actually comment and say, "Women aren't all that special! Men want to be pampered too!" WTF? I have asked guys to massage my back before, and they will come right back and say, "What do I get in return?" One time, I put up a glorious status about how special women are. A guy actually got on there and commented, "Damn! When are you going to say something about us guys? WE want some attention too!"



I wasn't going to bring this up out of the personal concern that it may step on somebody's toes, but oh well. They should have been equipped with steel toed shoes before they attempted to read a blog that I wrote. Anyway, I feel that spoiled men do not just appear magically. I think the majority of them come from being spoiled by their mothers. The saying that "a lot of men look for women that are like their mothers" is a serious, but deadly truth. A lot of men won't marry a woman unless she is willing to do absolutely everything for him without him having to lift a finger. I heard a story about a guy who still had his mother doing his laundry and he was in his 30's!

Then there are the ones that say, "My mom used to do it for my daddy all the time, so why can't you?"

These are the ones that sat back and watched their mothers break her back to keep the household together...... alone. She was expected to do EVERYTHING and BET' NOT give no attitude about it. She would go to work, come home, tired, and still have to to cook, clean, fix his plate and the kids plates before she sat down to eat. Then, when daddy wants more food on HIS plate, she would stop eating her food to put more food on his plate. Then, she would clean the table, wash the dishes, put the kids to bed, wash clothes, then have sex with daddy after he is done sitting on his ass watching sports while she does the cleaning. Then, she would only have a couple of hours before she gets up for work and to do it all over again. Oh, and not to even mention that she says, "YES, HONEY" to everything that daddy wants and says.





Then, there are the ones that were spoiled by women that were there before you. These guys are the ones that are used to women laying down their coats for them so they can walk over water puddles. It only takes one of them though! A man can get with a woman like that, and expect every single woman after her to be the same way. I know women are to be giving in relationships and marriages; let me clear that up before somebody comments about that, but the line has to be drawn somewhere! A GROWN ASS MAN SHOULD NEVER STOMP, KICK, FOLD HIS ARMS, OR POUT! I'm just saying.

Chivalry is all fudged up too. (Definitely my next blog! Stay tuned~) I have seen a couple of posts on Facebook where men and women have actually gone at it about who is supposed to pay the bill when one is asked out on a date. SMDH! What the hell happened to gentlemen that asked first and just WANTED to show the lady a good time and foot the bill? Guess they are pretty much extinct. #AndI'mThrough