We have all been there before. If you haven't, trust me, you will get there one day. We stay with the people that hurt us, and it seems so easy for them. Some of us even have people on the outside telling us how stupid, dumb, or crazy we are for staying with someone that we are totally not happy with. We get into situations with people that don't have their stuff together, and have no clue or goals about their own future. Why is this? Why do we stay there?
A lot of it has to do with the fact that we are holding on to what used to be when we first got with that person. You already know the scenario: You see this person from across the room, they are the best looking thing walking, you meet, begin a wonderful courtship, everything is perfect, then......everything sucks. It's no secret that relationships are great during the "newness". You are in total awe of that person because they are so perfect, they are the one! We don't allow the time to come that they will show their true selves, and that person always shows up at the wrong time. The wrong time is when we have dedicated our all, our total heart, our everything to them. I'm not saying that I'm a saint, because I have done it myself. I have met someone, and just because I felt that they were treating me so good, I fell in love, then the true them came out. I struggled to hold on to that person and it only got worse. I was holding on to the way the person treated me in the beginning, and it was causing me to be blind to the way they were treating me at that moment. There is a valuable lesson to be learned in all of it.
We have to start realizing that people are BLESSED with the time that we give them. All of our time is valuable, and if that person or people are taking you for granted, you need to move on. Take that valuable time back and give it to someone that is worth it. This can be for marriages, friendships, relationships, family, associates, places, people, or things. The more you stick around people that intentionally, or unintentionally hurt you, it begins to be YOUR fault. Yes, YOUR FAULT! It's like we adore punishing ourselves with allowing this hurt and pain. We get hurt, we run and tell someone about it, we cry, we get frustrated, we scream, "NO MORE!" then we run right back to the arms of those SAME undeserving people.
Don't let the past "newness" of any relationship with anyone fool you. Understand that if or when that time comes that the person is not being the same, they are hurting you, disrespecting you, or taking you for granted, it's time to BOUNCE! In most situations, it is extremely hard to do this, but you CAN do it. Cry, scream, have a fit, do yoga, or whatever you need to do, but you need to get a grip on it and move on. Nobody in the world is worth you allowing them to stay in your life and not add value or happiness.
Begin to take more time in getting to REALLY know people. Take about 6 to 9 months before allowing any real feelings to come through. No matter what people tell you, you CAN control your feelings. It may not seem like it because you let your emotions and feelings get the best of you. It is so important to realize that YOU are important to YOU and you should establish boundaries head on in any relationship. Nobody should ever dare to disrespect you or treat you bad. People take advantage of the feelings of others just because they can. It gives some people a sense of importance to know they have that control over your emotions.
Sometimes GOODBYE is the best way to make them wake up and smell the coffee. Believe me; I have had to say GOODBYE even with it was the hardest, hardest, hardest thing to do. That person's response was, "Dang! I see she ain't playing this time! I hope it's not too late. I really miss her and I want this to work." This person had made a complete turn around. Although I did miss them, I tried to join their attempt at making a relationship work, but inside of me was still saying, "How dare he even go there with ME!!! Does he NOT know who I am?" (<<<~~~ I encourage exaggerated sense of importance to everyone!) So I chose to go on and leave him AND the situation alone completely. I could do way better.
Just remember: this life is too precious and delicate to allow and deal with upset, pain, pressure, frustration, and calamity when other people bring it to you. There is a sign on the front door of my life that reads, "STOP AND CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU EVEN ATTEMPT TO ENTER!" I advise everyone to read that sign and let it soak in before they knock.
- ► 2011 (28)