To Approach, or Not To Approach....

A guy posted on Twitter one night that men should always approach women, and that the man should in fact approach the woman if he is interested in getting to know her. Now, I'm all in for what he was saying. I absolutely agree, but my thing is: what if there is a guy that the lady is interested in getting to know?

I have found myself in this situation several times before. I see a guy, or I am around a guy for a long period of time, I start liking him, but he never says anything about getting to know me! Argh! That is so frustrating!

I have sat back and waited on guys to approach me MANY times. As a matter of fact, I'm still doing it. I go to bars alone, (not just to meet guys, of course) and I sit there and eat, or drink, or whatever I went there for. Guys come in, and they razzle dazzle their eyes at me for a while, they eat, drink, pay their tab, then leave while giving me one last look, and even a wink before they go on out the door!!!

Yeah, they flirt, they wink their eye and try to give me the "Ok" in some kind of manner that they want me to come and talk to them, but ...mehhh. *sigh*. The only guys that actually approach me are young bucks, married men, guys looking for a quick romp in MY sheets, ex boyfriends that I don't even think about anymore, and Folks' grand daddies. This can't be life!
I'm a woman that likes to look "togetha" whenever I go out in public. You will never catch me outside looking raggedy, because, well, "You never know when you will run into Mr. Right", plus, it's a self respect thing. I am an upcoming author, plus, I have other goals, so what the fuck hell is the problem?

I have had this discussion before with certain guys, and the common reason that I get from these guys as to why men don't approach women that are "togetha" is because they are, and will never admit that they are intimidated by us.

PAUSE BREAK.....


So, wait a minute; they are actually saying that men DO NOT approach women that are self respecting and that have goals because they are INTIMIDATED! But wait a minute: I also hear a lot of men talking about how hard it is to find a good woman! (Sound familiar?) I see guys approaching NMF factor women ALL THE TIME! Soooo...they are approaching these women because they are NOT intimidated by them? Wait....am I really right? I'm confused....





There are many self respecting women out there that want a good man, but they are just sitting back and waiting for the right one to approach them. I'm all for the guy approaching first. My thing is that it's natural anyway, I don't care who disagrees. I am extremely old fashioned, and in my opinion, that's the way it is supposed to go. No man should ever want a woman that throws herself all over him. In no way, is that natural. In the Bible, the popular verse starts with, "He who finds himself a wife", not "She that finds herself a husband".


Another thing, it's obvious that a lot of guys wouldn't notice a good woman if she were to hit him in the head with a bat! A lot of the numb skulls wouldn't even feel the hit! SMH! Yeah I said it!

All in all: I absolutely think the dating game is on it's last leg. I try to keep from saying that it's dead because I am hanging on by a very thin thread. Things are nowhere near the way they used to be. Somebody shot chivalry in the back, and people don't even really know what "love" is anymore. Everything has changed and everybody is playing games with others' feelings and emotions. I have the "pleasure" of being around guys that only tell women what they know we want to hear, then when they get us all in, they start pulling away and acting an asshole fool. I don't have time for all that. I have done good by staying away from the dating scene.....well......because I haven't been approached in the right way anyway. Damn.

Beware of the Payment Kiosk!!!

Ok, I work in Customer Service. *sigh*. There is a payment kiosk at the back of our store where people can go and make their own payments, you know, SELF SERVICE! People are TERRIFIED of this damn machine! I had a lady to come in the store today. I asked her what had brought her in, and she said that she was there to make a payment on her account. I then pointed to the payment kiosk and the look of fear that came over her face was HILARIOUS! She said, "Oh, I a very nervous person! I CAN'T USE THAT THING!" So, I had to stand by her and hold her hand until she got through using the machine.

That's the first thing people say when I tell them about the kiosk: "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THAT THING!" Oh how I wish I could just jab back and say, "WELL, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO USE IT?"

It's no secret that we live in a very spoiled world. Everybody wants someone else to do things for them without them having to try. A lady came in one day, and I asked if she was paying her bill and she said, "Yeah since you won't do it for me!" With a very bitchy nasty attitude! I mean, people get down right mad or scared when I point this monster of a machine out to them! Now, if an old person comes in, there is no doubt that I will go back there and even make the payment process for them without asking any questions, but these are younger people that are very well-able bodied.

Our kiosk is so simple that a 6 year old can do it. You click on PAY MY BILL. Then, you click on whether you are paying a cell phone bill or house phone bill. Then, it TELLS YOU how much is due. You click on PAY FULL AMOUNT or PAY ANOTHER AMOUNT. Then, you click on which payment method you are using, then VOILA! You feed the machine, and you are DONE!

What in the world is so hard about that?!

THE DEATH OF TRUE FRIENDSHIPS

I, along with many other tweeters in the Twitter world, and Facebookers of the Facebook world have been sharing our concerns with the death of true friendships. It seems that it's harder now than ever to have good friends. Of course, I think a lot of it is because people are so judgmental, and people are more willing to stab each other in the back, so we protect ourselves by closing ourselves off and just talking about how hard it is to have true friends. Sad, but definitely a true reality.

I have found myself trying to attempt to have real friends on many occasions. As a matter of fact, when I had this same discussion a few years ago with my mom, she told me that I have always been the one looking to share true, valuable friendships with people. She told me that she remembers when I was a little girl, I would go outside with candy, and give almost of all of it away with not much left for myself, just so I could make others happy and to want to play with me. This day, if one were to attempt to give away something valuable out of the kindness of their own heart, they would only end up hurt, lonely, confused and wondering what in the world went wrong.



(WANNA KNOW SOMETHING REALLY SAD? MANY BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT WILLING TO HELP EACH OTHER. IT'S AT THE POINT THAT I'M SHOCKED WHEN ONE IS ACTUALLY WILLING TO REACH OUT AND OFFER A HELPING HAND.)

My experience is that people that I attempt to share friendships with end up talking about me behind my back, discussing my flaws, or leaving the friendship without an explanation of why, then, when I hear from them again, they make it seem as if it was my fault only why the friendship failed. *Yes, I'm very aware that this is all childish shit stuff, but hey >>>> (See my blog on Basketball Wives Mentality)

I totally, without a doubt, feel that many are afraid to cross that line and try to have friendships with someone, because they have that deeply embedded fear that it will only fail anyway, or they won't be accepted, so why bother? It's almost like you have to be a part of a clique to have friends these days. I see many of the same people with the same circle that turn their noses up at anybody that dares to try to enter that circle of friends. Many people have been burned, especially by people that they THOUGHT were their friends. I think a huge mistake that many of us make is letting too many people into our lives at one time TOO FAST, and helping all the wrong people that wouldn't dare help us out with cold water on a hot day. We make this mistake because as I have always said: You really have to interview people like you are looking for a new employee for your company. This seems weird, but think about it:

Many people that we allow into our lives shouldn't be there. Plain and simple. I have a few people that I tried to have friendships with that burned me behind my back that I currently wouldn't offer cold water to on a hot day. Not that I have anything against them, because I believe in forgiving, although it's hard for me to forget. I may never forget the hurt that someone has caused me, but I can move on and just not mess with them anymore. We also hold on to the hurt that someone has caused which has made many of us close ourselves off to trying to possess true friendships with others. It CAN happen.



Before you allow someone in your life, you have to make sure that people possess true friend potential. Spend time with them, hang out, be in some kind of need around them and see how they come through. You may even have to put them through some tests to see if they would come through in your time of need. Yes, of course this sounds crazy, but hey, this is YOUR life, and YOUR feelings that we are talking about here. Many people will come into your life and say they want to be your friend, they will smile, and be all gentle, but they will pull that razor from under their tongue in a heartbeat and won't hesitate to cut you with it! A harsh but truth, everybody does not genuinely like you. #KanyeShrug

Another mistake I think we make is that we use the word "FRIEND" too often, and too quick. The whole time we are calling some people our friends, they are cutting us down behind our backs. This world is cruel; it's very real out here, and people are more stupid, ignorant and brainless now than ever before. Not everybody means us good, so we should be smart enough to remember this when encountering others. In the case of meeting potential friends, I go by the saying, "Everybody is guilty until proven innocent"....or as the young ones say, "AIN'T NOBODY STRAIGHT!"


I know that somehow, somewhere, some people have true friend potential. We just have to do the work to find them, if it really means a lot to us. Lately, I found myself, on many nights, dying to go out and have some fun, but I just don't feel right doing that alone. I mean, I get dressed up, looking and smelling like a million bucks, then go out to a club, stand around at the bar and just watch everybody else party. Oh no. NO thanks! So, what I did is I started thinking of who I currently converse with, and lately, it has been three guys that are really good friends to me. I have told all three to get ready to be tired of me soon, because I will definitely be hanging with them! I also realized that I hadn't been going out and hanging with these guys because.....well.....THEY ARE GUYS, and I didn't want them to mess up my swagger with other guys. BUT....seeing how the guys that I have encountered lately have failed to prove to me that all men are NOT bitches the same, so that killed that for me in the dating world anyway, so I will definitely be hanging with these dudes! I mean, I love them anyway and yes, they have that TRUE FRIEND potential, because they have proved this to me on several occasions. Two of them have connections out the ass too, so I have been making myself miss out! LOL!

And me and my girl LaTanya with our constant "reow" LOL! Nobody understands this one but her and I. This sister/girl has come through for me in a stretch on more than one occasion, and I can honestly say that I love this girl. I'm not about to put that "No Homo" shit stuff, because that is so childish and I see it as feeding the assumptions of judgmental people.


That just goes to show how easy it is for us to shut out people that really do have true friend potential. Here I am, not hanging with good guys because of their gender, and I know now that they would go to hell and back to protect me like they would their own sisters. It's a shame that a man and a woman can't be friends without people thinking that they are fuckin' having sex, but it's also true that you have to have a closed ear to what "other people" have to say when it comes down to that bond with your true friends. Friends don't have a certain shape, color, size, or gender. We miss out because we think this way. We also miss out by giving too many wrong people our time without really getting to know them first before calling them a "friend". That's why many people end up having to "make their circle smaller" because they have to shut those people out after a while, when int all truth, if they had done this in the beginning, then the pain and disappointment would be absent.

If having true friends is important to you, then you have to know how to be one. Make sure that you are the type of person that is willing to break your neck if it comes down to it, because that's what friendship is all about. Don't be close minded when it comes to different types of people. Go around more people in different spots, and get to know them on a regular basis. Go to different spots other than the usual. Join some groups with people that have similar interests. I, myself, am a social networking fool. I enjoy sites like Facebook and Twitter because I am on there with many people that I know, love or just simply like. Just like real life, if they aren't worthy of my time, both sites afford me the "Unfriend", and "Unfollow". button. If we were more conscious about who we let into our timeline as we are on our social sites, we would have friendships all across the board!

If you are a loner and you really don't care about having friends at this time, that's great as well! This affords you the time to get yourself together and find out who YOU really are.

Something that is extremely important to remember: other people do not define who you are. The reason why I wrote this blog is because I grew up as an only child in a family with just my mom, grandmother, grandfather and I, but I do love the companionship of friends that I can go out with, shoot the breeze with, and have fun with. There's nothing like having those friends that you can call at any point and say, "Hey, let's go to this concert. It starts in an hour and I already have our tickets." and to have that friend say, "OK! I WILL BE READY IN THIRTY MINUTES!!" (Heyyyy Nikki!) LOL! Nikki is a true friend that I can really call my own.

But seriously, when it comes to friends, step outside of the box. Go around different people, don't use the word "friend" so fast, and just be yourself. The people that become true friends will have to accept you for who YOU are and not how you compliment their lives. Also, be careful about WHO you spend your time with. You ARE who you spend time with. If you are a procrastinator that needs some motivation, make sure that the people that you give your time to can motivate you well and vice versa.

And by all means, don't be judgmental, and don't talk about them behind their backs. (It's sad that I even have to remind people of this)If you do this chronically, then you are NOT ready.



#AndI'mThrough