To Approach, or Not To Approach....

A guy posted on Twitter one night that men should always approach women, and that the man should in fact approach the woman if he is interested in getting to know her. Now, I'm all in for what he was saying. I absolutely agree, but my thing is: what if there is a guy that the lady is interested in getting to know?

I have found myself in this situation several times before. I see a guy, or I am around a guy for a long period of time, I start liking him, but he never says anything about getting to know me! Argh! That is so frustrating!

I have sat back and waited on guys to approach me MANY times. As a matter of fact, I'm still doing it. I go to bars alone, (not just to meet guys, of course) and I sit there and eat, or drink, or whatever I went there for. Guys come in, and they razzle dazzle their eyes at me for a while, they eat, drink, pay their tab, then leave while giving me one last look, and even a wink before they go on out the door!!!

Yeah, they flirt, they wink their eye and try to give me the "Ok" in some kind of manner that they want me to come and talk to them, but ...mehhh. *sigh*. The only guys that actually approach me are young bucks, married men, guys looking for a quick romp in MY sheets, ex boyfriends that I don't even think about anymore, and Folks' grand daddies. This can't be life!
I'm a woman that likes to look "togetha" whenever I go out in public. You will never catch me outside looking raggedy, because, well, "You never know when you will run into Mr. Right", plus, it's a self respect thing. I am an upcoming author, plus, I have other goals, so what the fuck hell is the problem?

I have had this discussion before with certain guys, and the common reason that I get from these guys as to why men don't approach women that are "togetha" is because they are, and will never admit that they are intimidated by us.

PAUSE BREAK.....


So, wait a minute; they are actually saying that men DO NOT approach women that are self respecting and that have goals because they are INTIMIDATED! But wait a minute: I also hear a lot of men talking about how hard it is to find a good woman! (Sound familiar?) I see guys approaching NMF factor women ALL THE TIME! Soooo...they are approaching these women because they are NOT intimidated by them? Wait....am I really right? I'm confused....





There are many self respecting women out there that want a good man, but they are just sitting back and waiting for the right one to approach them. I'm all for the guy approaching first. My thing is that it's natural anyway, I don't care who disagrees. I am extremely old fashioned, and in my opinion, that's the way it is supposed to go. No man should ever want a woman that throws herself all over him. In no way, is that natural. In the Bible, the popular verse starts with, "He who finds himself a wife", not "She that finds herself a husband".


Another thing, it's obvious that a lot of guys wouldn't notice a good woman if she were to hit him in the head with a bat! A lot of the numb skulls wouldn't even feel the hit! SMH! Yeah I said it!

All in all: I absolutely think the dating game is on it's last leg. I try to keep from saying that it's dead because I am hanging on by a very thin thread. Things are nowhere near the way they used to be. Somebody shot chivalry in the back, and people don't even really know what "love" is anymore. Everything has changed and everybody is playing games with others' feelings and emotions. I have the "pleasure" of being around guys that only tell women what they know we want to hear, then when they get us all in, they start pulling away and acting an asshole fool. I don't have time for all that. I have done good by staying away from the dating scene.....well......because I haven't been approached in the right way anyway. Damn.

Beware of the Payment Kiosk!!!

Ok, I work in Customer Service. *sigh*. There is a payment kiosk at the back of our store where people can go and make their own payments, you know, SELF SERVICE! People are TERRIFIED of this damn machine! I had a lady to come in the store today. I asked her what had brought her in, and she said that she was there to make a payment on her account. I then pointed to the payment kiosk and the look of fear that came over her face was HILARIOUS! She said, "Oh, I a very nervous person! I CAN'T USE THAT THING!" So, I had to stand by her and hold her hand until she got through using the machine.

That's the first thing people say when I tell them about the kiosk: "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE THAT THING!" Oh how I wish I could just jab back and say, "WELL, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO USE IT?"

It's no secret that we live in a very spoiled world. Everybody wants someone else to do things for them without them having to try. A lady came in one day, and I asked if she was paying her bill and she said, "Yeah since you won't do it for me!" With a very bitchy nasty attitude! I mean, people get down right mad or scared when I point this monster of a machine out to them! Now, if an old person comes in, there is no doubt that I will go back there and even make the payment process for them without asking any questions, but these are younger people that are very well-able bodied.

Our kiosk is so simple that a 6 year old can do it. You click on PAY MY BILL. Then, you click on whether you are paying a cell phone bill or house phone bill. Then, it TELLS YOU how much is due. You click on PAY FULL AMOUNT or PAY ANOTHER AMOUNT. Then, you click on which payment method you are using, then VOILA! You feed the machine, and you are DONE!

What in the world is so hard about that?!

THE DEATH OF TRUE FRIENDSHIPS

I, along with many other tweeters in the Twitter world, and Facebookers of the Facebook world have been sharing our concerns with the death of true friendships. It seems that it's harder now than ever to have good friends. Of course, I think a lot of it is because people are so judgmental, and people are more willing to stab each other in the back, so we protect ourselves by closing ourselves off and just talking about how hard it is to have true friends. Sad, but definitely a true reality.

I have found myself trying to attempt to have real friends on many occasions. As a matter of fact, when I had this same discussion a few years ago with my mom, she told me that I have always been the one looking to share true, valuable friendships with people. She told me that she remembers when I was a little girl, I would go outside with candy, and give almost of all of it away with not much left for myself, just so I could make others happy and to want to play with me. This day, if one were to attempt to give away something valuable out of the kindness of their own heart, they would only end up hurt, lonely, confused and wondering what in the world went wrong.



(WANNA KNOW SOMETHING REALLY SAD? MANY BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT WILLING TO HELP EACH OTHER. IT'S AT THE POINT THAT I'M SHOCKED WHEN ONE IS ACTUALLY WILLING TO REACH OUT AND OFFER A HELPING HAND.)

My experience is that people that I attempt to share friendships with end up talking about me behind my back, discussing my flaws, or leaving the friendship without an explanation of why, then, when I hear from them again, they make it seem as if it was my fault only why the friendship failed. *Yes, I'm very aware that this is all childish shit stuff, but hey >>>> (See my blog on Basketball Wives Mentality)

I totally, without a doubt, feel that many are afraid to cross that line and try to have friendships with someone, because they have that deeply embedded fear that it will only fail anyway, or they won't be accepted, so why bother? It's almost like you have to be a part of a clique to have friends these days. I see many of the same people with the same circle that turn their noses up at anybody that dares to try to enter that circle of friends. Many people have been burned, especially by people that they THOUGHT were their friends. I think a huge mistake that many of us make is letting too many people into our lives at one time TOO FAST, and helping all the wrong people that wouldn't dare help us out with cold water on a hot day. We make this mistake because as I have always said: You really have to interview people like you are looking for a new employee for your company. This seems weird, but think about it:

Many people that we allow into our lives shouldn't be there. Plain and simple. I have a few people that I tried to have friendships with that burned me behind my back that I currently wouldn't offer cold water to on a hot day. Not that I have anything against them, because I believe in forgiving, although it's hard for me to forget. I may never forget the hurt that someone has caused me, but I can move on and just not mess with them anymore. We also hold on to the hurt that someone has caused which has made many of us close ourselves off to trying to possess true friendships with others. It CAN happen.



Before you allow someone in your life, you have to make sure that people possess true friend potential. Spend time with them, hang out, be in some kind of need around them and see how they come through. You may even have to put them through some tests to see if they would come through in your time of need. Yes, of course this sounds crazy, but hey, this is YOUR life, and YOUR feelings that we are talking about here. Many people will come into your life and say they want to be your friend, they will smile, and be all gentle, but they will pull that razor from under their tongue in a heartbeat and won't hesitate to cut you with it! A harsh but truth, everybody does not genuinely like you. #KanyeShrug

Another mistake I think we make is that we use the word "FRIEND" too often, and too quick. The whole time we are calling some people our friends, they are cutting us down behind our backs. This world is cruel; it's very real out here, and people are more stupid, ignorant and brainless now than ever before. Not everybody means us good, so we should be smart enough to remember this when encountering others. In the case of meeting potential friends, I go by the saying, "Everybody is guilty until proven innocent"....or as the young ones say, "AIN'T NOBODY STRAIGHT!"


I know that somehow, somewhere, some people have true friend potential. We just have to do the work to find them, if it really means a lot to us. Lately, I found myself, on many nights, dying to go out and have some fun, but I just don't feel right doing that alone. I mean, I get dressed up, looking and smelling like a million bucks, then go out to a club, stand around at the bar and just watch everybody else party. Oh no. NO thanks! So, what I did is I started thinking of who I currently converse with, and lately, it has been three guys that are really good friends to me. I have told all three to get ready to be tired of me soon, because I will definitely be hanging with them! I also realized that I hadn't been going out and hanging with these guys because.....well.....THEY ARE GUYS, and I didn't want them to mess up my swagger with other guys. BUT....seeing how the guys that I have encountered lately have failed to prove to me that all men are NOT bitches the same, so that killed that for me in the dating world anyway, so I will definitely be hanging with these dudes! I mean, I love them anyway and yes, they have that TRUE FRIEND potential, because they have proved this to me on several occasions. Two of them have connections out the ass too, so I have been making myself miss out! LOL!

And me and my girl LaTanya with our constant "reow" LOL! Nobody understands this one but her and I. This sister/girl has come through for me in a stretch on more than one occasion, and I can honestly say that I love this girl. I'm not about to put that "No Homo" shit stuff, because that is so childish and I see it as feeding the assumptions of judgmental people.


That just goes to show how easy it is for us to shut out people that really do have true friend potential. Here I am, not hanging with good guys because of their gender, and I know now that they would go to hell and back to protect me like they would their own sisters. It's a shame that a man and a woman can't be friends without people thinking that they are fuckin' having sex, but it's also true that you have to have a closed ear to what "other people" have to say when it comes down to that bond with your true friends. Friends don't have a certain shape, color, size, or gender. We miss out because we think this way. We also miss out by giving too many wrong people our time without really getting to know them first before calling them a "friend". That's why many people end up having to "make their circle smaller" because they have to shut those people out after a while, when int all truth, if they had done this in the beginning, then the pain and disappointment would be absent.

If having true friends is important to you, then you have to know how to be one. Make sure that you are the type of person that is willing to break your neck if it comes down to it, because that's what friendship is all about. Don't be close minded when it comes to different types of people. Go around more people in different spots, and get to know them on a regular basis. Go to different spots other than the usual. Join some groups with people that have similar interests. I, myself, am a social networking fool. I enjoy sites like Facebook and Twitter because I am on there with many people that I know, love or just simply like. Just like real life, if they aren't worthy of my time, both sites afford me the "Unfriend", and "Unfollow". button. If we were more conscious about who we let into our timeline as we are on our social sites, we would have friendships all across the board!

If you are a loner and you really don't care about having friends at this time, that's great as well! This affords you the time to get yourself together and find out who YOU really are.

Something that is extremely important to remember: other people do not define who you are. The reason why I wrote this blog is because I grew up as an only child in a family with just my mom, grandmother, grandfather and I, but I do love the companionship of friends that I can go out with, shoot the breeze with, and have fun with. There's nothing like having those friends that you can call at any point and say, "Hey, let's go to this concert. It starts in an hour and I already have our tickets." and to have that friend say, "OK! I WILL BE READY IN THIRTY MINUTES!!" (Heyyyy Nikki!) LOL! Nikki is a true friend that I can really call my own.

But seriously, when it comes to friends, step outside of the box. Go around different people, don't use the word "friend" so fast, and just be yourself. The people that become true friends will have to accept you for who YOU are and not how you compliment their lives. Also, be careful about WHO you spend your time with. You ARE who you spend time with. If you are a procrastinator that needs some motivation, make sure that the people that you give your time to can motivate you well and vice versa.

And by all means, don't be judgmental, and don't talk about them behind their backs. (It's sad that I even have to remind people of this)If you do this chronically, then you are NOT ready.



#AndI'mThrough

Hurricane's Confession: MY OBSESSION WITH DREAD HEADS!!!!

It's no secret. I fall all over myself when I see a man with really nice dreads. It's just something about it! I love to see a man with long, neat dreads without all the stray hairs sticking up everywhere! I am not into the ones that have the knotted ones that need to be chopped off with a garden rake, or a bulldozer. Don't get me wrong; I am all into guys that dress nice and carry themselves well, but it's just something about those dang dreads!





I didn't even realize my feelings about dreads until I was walking in Wal Mart one time with my mom, I think this may have been last year during one of our many outings together. A very handsome guy walked by, and she said, "Um! A man with dreads, and YOU didn't say anything?" (That let me know that I must have been talking about it a lot anyway and didn't realize how much.) I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THE GUY AT FIRST! When I turned around, I almost fell out! This guy had pretty, neatly braided dreads down to his butt, and they looked sooooo good! He turned around like he may have felt my eyes burning through his skin, and gave me a great big ol' smile! I said, "You know you fine, don't you?" He just gave me a wink, a small chuckle, and kept it moving. *Ahhhhh* That wink, that smile, and the swing of his dreads when he turned around to walk away just set my world on FIYAH!!!

Ever since then, I have been able to spot a guy with dreads from miles away! Just like a man's shoes, his hair, and the way he keeps up with it tells me a lot about that man, himself. If his dreads are long, that lets me know that he is patient. Growing those things take a long time! If they are neat, that let's me know that he takes time to keep them up. If they are REALLY neat, that lets me know that he just may NOT be cheap, because maintaining them are NOT cheap. It also lets me know that he doesn't believe the hype about a man should never have hair longer than a woman. It let's me know that he doesn't fall right into the hoopla about what society believes "should be".

YES!!! I even walk up and ask to touch them most of the time. I get some kind of "woosahhhh" feeling when I touch them. I know this can be irritating to some people, because I, myself, have fairly long hair, and people constantly want to put their hands in it. BUT, I haven't found one dread head that has told me "No." Matter of fact, they kind of like it when a woman gives them compliments on their hair.

So, to all of my dread heads, baby, I see you!!! Trust and believe, I SEE YOU!!! Keep up the good work, fellas. I love you!!!! LOL!

"I DON'T LIKE HER!" (Jealousy, and other causes of hate for other women)

So, I'm a recent victim of this, right? LOL! (No really....I'M LAUGHING!) I can't help but to laugh at the situation, because the woman that feels that it's smart to go around and tell everybody that she doesn't like me is GROWN, and has no idea that the people that she is unloading all this hate for me on is coming right back and telling me. (Po Lil Tink Tink)Plus, she hasn't known me that long, doesn't know me that well, etc. yadda yadda yang yang. Matter of fact, the same people that she is telling about how much she doesn't like me are baffled as to how she could not like me, because I don't bother anybody, I mind my own business, I stay away from mess, and all I try to do is encourage people. (Let me get off the subject of this "Non motha*********** factor because I feel like I'm in high school all over again!)



Anyway, grown women walk around talking about who they don't like, who they can't stand, etc. and it is absolutely pathetic. (See my blog on Basketball Wives Mentality) It makes my stomach bubble a little bit at the thought of how absolutely immature this sounds. At first, I wasn't even going to entertain this subject by writing a blog, but yeah. I needed to, because some of this mess really should be put to rest!

COMMON REASONS FOR DISLIKE OF OTHER WOMEN:
*sigh*

1) The other woman may be prettier. *sigh*

2) The other woman may have longer hair. (yes, this is true.)*sigh*

3) The other woman may have dated someone a LONG time ago that she is currently entertaining.

4) Her and the other woman may be CURRENTLY dating the same guy, and instead of them both walking away and leaving him alone, they fight each other. *sigh*)

5) The other woman may have a nicer car, clothes, jewelry, etc. (material things)

6) The other woman may have a nice looking man in her life that didn't go for her.

7) The other woman may have absolute confidence and control in herself.

Do you get what I'm saying? All of this seems very petty, but this is a sad reality. Women are actually walking around with hate in their hearts for these, and so many other childish reasons.

Now, I'm no saint. I will stand up tall and CONFESS that I am guilty of this. I have done this before: not liked another woman because of an egg head dude that I was still in love with and he had moved on to her, or I didn't like who had made it known that they didn't like me. Many of us don't understand that the simple way to not have to deal with whatever is causing the feeling of hate in our hearts for other women is to simply not entertain it, and for GOODNESS' SAKE, don't go around telling people how much you don't like the woman! JEESH! YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT! If this feeling for this other woman won't go away, go to the root of it and find out what is causing the issue. You may find out that it's an internal message trying to get to your brain on what YOU need to do for YOURSELF.

Before someone comments and says, "Sooooo, Tameka, do you STILL not like So and So?!" to be sarcastic, I have learned from my many mistakes; I am not writing this blog to make it seem like I have never done these things. I have not liked women and let them know it by the sour nose, rolling my eyes, and by simply telling them, "Hey, I don't like you, so let's not even deal with each other." but as I got older, wiser and much more mature, I realized how dumb this is, and watching Basketball Wives beats it in my brain deeper and deeper. It used to be fun, now it's just dumb. It should make a woman question what's within her to make her out right not like somebody else, especially if it's someone that they have never spent a day conversing with. Some women can see a woman walking down the street and turn her nose up like she smells boo boo.

Deeply embedded, common issues that cause this foolishness:

1) Low to No Self Esteem

2) Bad or questionable upbringing

3) Not enough love and attention from parents as a child

4) JEALOUSY

5) Bitterness

6) In some kind of way, she feels as if the other woman wouldn't accept her.

7) Loneliness and desperation for attention, or always needing to be front and center.

Wow, as I was typing, I realized that I could go on and on!

I will go on and conclude this now, because if I don't I will be typing about this mess for three days straight, with no bathroom breaks, no food, no connection to the outside world, etc.

Ladies, if you find yourself not liking another woman, for whatever reason it may be, STOP! I am a big supporter of going inside yourself to find yourself. I call it, The Screaming Room. (Blog coming up on this too). There is absolutely no reason in the world that you should be grown and not liking another woman for no apparent reason at all, even if it's a situation in which the other woman took your man from you! Let him, and the situation go. In a situation like that, just remove yourself from her presence, and his, so you won't be reminded of the terrible incident. (Of course I mean after you kick her and his asses, but still, you get what I'm saying). Too many of us are walking around here killing ourselves slowly because of simple things like this that can be easily avoided. No wonder why strokes, heart attacks, high blood pressure etc. is running rampant. Love yourself! Love other women!

Attempt to become friends with the woman that you have internal issues with. If not her friend, just simply try to associate with her to learn her character. Another idea that many will probably not be comfortable with is after a while, when you are comfortable, confess the feelings you had at first or currently have for her. Of course there are chances that she may think that you are a jealous, psycho bitch, but hey, the confession will help YOU in the long run, and if she turns out to be a good friend anyway, she won't think that. If you are not interested in any of this, I do understand; I have been there before, but I do suggest simply not encountering the same space with the woman. If you can't dig deep and find out what the cause of it is, just leave it alone, and don't run your mouth to other people about this, or these other woman/women that you "don't like". Trust me; You look stupid to them if you don't have a logical reason as to why this is, and you stand the chance of them going back to tell her/them anyway, and they will laugh at you about this. (Yes, this is what is happening with me and chick who doesn't like me.) *sigh*



(((((((( I GOTTA GET ME ONE OR FIFTY OF THESE SHIRTS!!!)))))))))

No matter how you slice it, it's hate in your heart, and YOU are the one that put it there. You are the one with the problem, not the woman or women you don't like. Get rid of it; It's more simple than you think,and by all means.... GROW UP!

#AndI'mThrough

CHIVALRY IS DEAD! Is it, Ladies? Or Did We Take Part In The Murder??

I was speaking with a coworker one day at work, Cameron. This is a coworker that knows that I'm all about a man showing chivalry: Opening doors on buildings to let women go in or out first, letting a lady get in front of you at the check out line, opening car doors, etc. So he proceeded to tell me that he was going into a store, and a lady approached the same door. He opened the door and stepped back so the lady could enter first. He said the lady told him, "Oh no, YOU go ahead." He then said, "No, please. You are a lady, you go first." The lady continued to go on and on with him about it, until finally, he gave in and entered the store before the lady.

**********************************CONFESSION*****************************************

Ok, I admit. I was seeing this guy one time that believed in ALWAYS opening the door for me. He wouldn't be caught dead letting me open my own car door. I remember one day, we were getting ready to go somewhere. I was getting ready to open my car door, and he said, "DON'T YOU DO IT!" It was hot, I was tired, my feet were hurting, I was hungry, and I'm a Gemini, so I said, "Ugh! You don't have to open my car door for me ALL THE TIME, ya know?!" He said, "Tameka, I'm a man, and you are a woman, so therefore, yes, I do."

I had to come right back and apologize about the incident.

Aside from him, the "what should be" normal pulling the chair out so your lady can sit, opening doors, kissing a lady's hand, holding her umbrella in the rain, putting her jacket on for her, is close to non-existing. Somewhere, somehow, someone is still doing it all, but it's not often that you find this. Just like the lady and my coworker, this is probably a lady that absolutely forgot that there are guys that will still do it to make us feel special, because they appreciate ladies, or they do it just because they are natural gentlemen, like my boy Cam. When you aren't used to it, you don't know how to accept it, and you don't even realize when you should just go with it and appreciate it; just let it happen.

In my case, I'm not so used to it, so when the guy that I was dating was doing it so often, I had to get used to it.......with an attitude. It was even annoying at times. At first, when a guy would open a door for me, and this is no lie: I would be like, "I'M NOT HANDICAPPED! I CAN OPEN A DOOR BY MYSELF!" I never had a man in my life as a young girl to do little cute things for me, so I had NO IDEA that it was "nice" for a guy to "take care" of me in that manner. The ex: There were many times when he would say, "HOLD UP! DON'T TOUCH THAT DOOR!!" Because I would put my hand on the door ready to open it; it just wasn't built in to me to expect it in the first place. Sure, there have been times when I would go to a store or something, and a stranger will hold the door open for me; it even happens at my job. I can be coming in from lunch and back into the building, and a customer can be coming in at the same time, and he will step aside and let me in first. THEN, there are those SEVERAL that walk in right before me.



*************************EXPERIENCE COMING UP NEXT**********************************



One day, I was going into a gas station, and an African American "gentleman" was going in before me. He walked in the store and let the door close on me. I actually had to open the door back to go in! The attendant saw the incident and said, "He tried to close you up in the door didn't he?" He never realized that he did it. Before somebody says, "MAYBE HE DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE BEHIND HIM", (I know my readers so well) He did know I was behind him, because he spoke to me as we both were walking toward the door.

One of my classmates was telling me that she and her two small children were at the mall one day,and these guys were sitting on a bench. She was pushing her children in a double stroller and struggled to open the door to go into one of locations. She said the guys just sat there and watched her, and even made a remark about how cute her kids were. WOW! Never got up to offer help with the door.






Ladies: if a man stands back to let you enter into a place first, if he opens your car door, if he pulls your chair out for you, order your food for you, etc. BY ALL MEANS, let him do it, and let him know that you are appreciative. No matter how much smack I talk, I totally do believe that there are SOME gentlemen out there that does these things naturally. They do it because it's in their hearts and they feel as if that's the way things should be done. A HANDFUL of men still feel as if women are special and should be protected and nurtured. So many of us have been beaten and battered, (mentally and physically) that we don't recognize when someone comes along with a gentle touch. We are numb, because we are so used to the rap songs calling us bitches and "hoes", and showing our naked bodies as if they are no longer our temples. We are used to the R&B songs that make it seem like we are sexual objects. We are used to the non-chivalry that we may run into every day, but this is why we should cherish each and every moment that we are reminded that chivalry is not buried.

In my eyes, chivalry can come in the form of opening doors, all the way down to a gentle smile. Let us no longer NOT recognize a gentleman's gesture and attempt at chivalry. I also totally believe that we have to speak to our men and stop believing that they can read our minds. Yes, most things are common sense, like, approach me like a lady, respect me as a lady, talk to me like a lady, etc. Don't approach me and tell me to "write your number down." (Yes, this happened.) We have to speak to these guys and tell them what we want. If you want your door opened, tell him. If you want to tell him what you want to eat and for him to tell the waiter, tell him. (This is a good way to see if he pays attention to you.) If you want him to pull your chair out, tell him. So many things can be changed with communication.

Too many times, we sit back and pout, because "he" doesn't do these things, and should know better. I have become very vocal about what I will, won't, can't and won't accept. I'm not extremely demanding, but I know what I want, and whoever is with me, or around me will have to know this. For them to not oblige will eliminate any unwanted trash.

Chivalry may seem to have been dead at some points, but there's no reason for us, as ladies, to not be able to bring it back to life. TALK! COMMUNICATION! PUTTING YOUR FOOT DOWN! OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT!


***************TELL THEM THAT YOU GUYS AGREE WITH ME, TEMPTATIONS!***********





#AndI'mThrough

TOE PORN!

DUDE! FOR REAL! WHAT IS UP WITH MEN AND TOES!!!???


I have run across some strange'o rama guys lately that just really want to see my feet!!!!!!

Ok, I was on Facebook one day, and this guy added me as a friend. He looked decent, didn't look crazy or whatever, so I went on and added him, plus I think I may have been on my way out the door to go to work or something, so I just clicked accept. So an hour passes, and this guy sends me an inbox and says, "Can you text me a picture of your toes?"



So I said, "What?"

He came right on back at me and said, "Please text me a picture of your toes."

I said, "Please tell me that you are joking."

He said, "No, I'm not joking. I have a fetish, so PLEASE send me a picture of your toes. PLEASE!!! Here is my number ..........." and he actually gave me his number!

I went to this dude's page, because I'm like, WHO ISSSSS THIS CLOWN???

This guy is married and has pictures of him and his wife all up on his joint!

I was just about to hit the *delete* button, and he sent me a note right back:

(I guess he was hot because this note was in all CAPS)

"ARE YOU GOING TO TEXT ME THE PICTURE!! I REALLY DO HAVE A FETISH! PLEASE HURRY AND SEND IT!*

I couldn't delete that joker fast enough!!




Funny thing is though, this is NOT the first time someone has requested pictures of my feet! I'm like, can you get to know my middle name, my favorite desert, my favorite color, or even....MY FIRST NAME before you go asking for pictures of different body parts? How about a picture of my face?
All I could picture was some weirdo with a shrine of pictures of different women's feet with candles lit all around it as he sits in a chair in front of the shrine with a bottle of lotion and:




Guys on Facebook have this issue real bad. Somebody posted on my wall one day, " I bet you have pretty feet! I just bet you do! "

I have had the little instant messenger box to pop up with requests to see my feet. I mean, no "Hello", "How are you", "What you doing?" or nothing. Just: AY. LET ME SEE YO DAWGS!

Oh, Oh Oh, I had a guy to ask me to part my hair down the middle and post a picture of my SCALP and put it on Facebook because he didn't believe that my hair was real.
Once I told him that I felt like he was either three sheets in the wind, or slightly crazy, he said, "Ok, I can see how that can seem weird. Well, here's my number. Just text me the picture."



I guess I will never understand the strange requests of some guys though, but seriously, the toes thing kind of shakes me a little.

For the ones that want to see some feet, here you go:

THE DRINK THROWN IN THE FACE HEARD AROUND THE WORLD!

I'm sure my fellow Basketball Wives junkies already know what this blog is about just by reading the title! Ever since I first saw the preview for the show where Eric throws the drink in Jennifer's face (which at the time of me writing this blog was a week ago), I was all in Jenn's corner! I was like, how dare he throw that drink in that girl's face! No matter what she said to him, that was flat out disrespectful, and he is a punk for doing it! Now, fast forward a week, and the show airs. I wouldn't miss it for the world, because I couldn't wait to see that part and see what happened to lead up to the ugly event. Picture it:

Jenn and Eric are sitting at the table. The conversation begins to get a little heated because Jenn says something about "Eric should have checked his mother" about some situation that had gone on between her and his mother. He was like, "What? Check my mother? Are you crazy? THAT'S MY MOTHER! Nobody checks my mom, ya know what I'm sayin'?" Which I kind of agree with him, because there is a huge difference between "Checking" mom, and respectfully telling mom to mind her own business. Anyway, it gets a little more heated, so he gets up to walk away and end the conversation. All of a sudden, Jenn says, "Whatever" and picks up a drink and throws it at him. She did it calmly as if she didn't expect a response. He politely turns around and picks up a drink that was on the table and THROWS it HARD in her face, leaving her to look like a shocked, sad, embarrassed, wet poodle. She got up from the table looking all weak and helpless and says, "I WILL *bleep* YOU UP!" (((Come on, Jenn. Really? You're embarrassing yourself even more.))) I have to give it to Eric though, I hate the fact that he threw the drink in her face, I absolutely HATE that, but at least he did just walk away.

IF YOU CAN'T PICTURE IT, HERE IT IS:



My thing is, ONCE AGAIN, I hate the fact that he dashed her with the drink, but all the time I was waiting to see the show, I had no idea that she had thrown a drink at him first. Was she right for thinking that he wouldn't retaliate? Yeah, probably so, BUT........ I totally believe in not doing something to someone that you wouldn't want done to you. When I saw that she was getting ready throw the drink at him first, I was like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! PUT THAT DRINK DOWN!!!!!!!" I felt almost disappointed in her for doing it. She says that there was never any physical violence in their marriage and I really hope not, but seeing the way he acts and how he did that.......

***** I KNOW THAT THE MEN THAT SAY I "MALE BASH" ALL THE TIME WILL LOVE THIS NEXT PART *****

Now, I'm a woman, and I can honestly say that too many of us feel like we can get away with things just because we ARE women. We are known to be delicate creatures, and we absolutely want to be treated as such, but yes, we can really get out of hand sometimes. I have seen women get in a man's face and YELL as if she was a man, herself. (Ok, yes, I have done this before, but I was younger and had no idea about being a lady). I have seen women totally disrespect men in public and talk to them as if they were children. Now, me personally, I do NOT want a man that would allow me to disrespect him and treat him as less of a man; that's just not sexy, but there are a lot of men that allow women to get away with this, which gives her the right to continue to walk all over him.

Was Eric totally wrong for what he did?

BEFORE WOMEN GET MAD AT ME FOR EVEN HAVING THE NERVE TO ASK THAT QUESTION, JUST CALM DOWN AND THINK ABOUT IT FIRST, THEN READ ON:




The only difference in their actions is that she threw the drink at his back, and he tossed his in her face. He didn't physically harm her in any way. The drink wasn't able to put any bruises or scars on her face. I was honestly assuming that he had found out that she was dating the light skinned cutie, Will, and got mad and dashed her with the drink. I was absolutely LIVID because of that assumption.

I'm not TOTALLY in this man's corner, but I'm not TOTALLY in Jenn's corner either. In my eyes, SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE THROWN THE DRINK IN THE FIRST PLACE, and HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MAN ENOUGH TO HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY WHEN SHE DID IT. #AndI'mThrough

Is it me, or are men acting more and more like nagging, spoiled women?

Picture it: A lady is sitting alone at a bar. An extra FINE, tall, well groomed man comes in. He approaches the lady, and they fall into a deep conversation. They find out that they have several similar interests. He's interested in her, she's interested in him. They begin to date. Everything is going great.....until.....he needs to be pampered, burped and patted like a newborn baby!

When the hell did all this happen?

I have been single for a while now, with the occasional dating from time to time when someone sparks my interest....which isn't often. When I begin to get close to them, I realize that they are brats! Adult brats that require a lot of attention!

There was *********************. (all names have been hidden to protect the guilty.) Now, ******************* seemed to have potential. Good looking, well groomed, smelled good, and was older than I, which my mom told me a long time ago that I needed to date someone older than me, because the guys my age just weren't "ready". Although that's true, YOU GOT ANY OTHER BRIGHT IDEAS...MOM? Seeing that you got married BEFORE your only child and all....
Anyway, ****************** and I had some good conversations with him, until I found out that he had a cuddle fetish. I used to love cuddling, until I got used to not getting it when I wanted from guys that I dated. Now, I cringe at the thought of laying on somebody's check while we watch movies. Plus, I'm never comfortable in that position anyway. Yes, I'm telling the truth...But *********************always wanted to lay around on me, kiss me in public, WITH TONGUE, (ugh!) and me to rub my fingers in his hair as he laid in my lap. Now, I told *******************that I had an issue with cuddling in the beginning, but he was flat out determined to change me. Then, he started throwing hissy fits when I just refused to cuddle! There were times when I would, just to get him to shut up. I honestly believe I was trying to force myself to like him, because he seemed to be everything I needed. So, I got tired of his bitching and moaning, and let him go.



*I don't have a real problem with cuddling. It just has to be with someone that I truly like, and it can't be FORCED on me. Now, I know how guys feel when they are being forced into marriage!*

There was &&&&&&&&&&&. He was ok, but I knew he wouldn't be able to hang from the beginning, but I was bored, so I let him stay for a while. When we got closer, he started having all kind of issues with what other guys were saying on my Facebook wall, what they were saying on my pictures, etc. Somebody could come through and put on my wall, "Hey girl! Long time no hear from! Looking good! I hope everything is going great with you." He would swear this dude wanted to dig me out of my draws! I blocked him off so he couldn't see anything anybody posted on my wall. He eventually figured that out, and started having issues with that. Yep, if you know me, you already know what came next.......YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK! GOODBYE!

I see it from men that approach me that I'm not interested in: "I can't have your number!?! Oh you must be a dike."

To men that I decide to date: Guy: "Why didn't you call me back like you said you would? I was waiting on you. (pouting and sniffling)
Me: "Because I told you that TWO MINUTES ago!"

To the ex boyfriend: "Angela gave me the attention I NEEDED, so I left you for her back in the day, but ummmmm.....I was wondering if you could give me a second chance?"


I have worked with men at jobs that seem to continuously bitch and moan about stuff that doesn't even really mean anything. If something doesn't go their way, or how they think it should go, everybody has to hear serious whining, complaining and nagging. (Have you ever really listened to a pack of guys having a conversation about something that doesn't seem fair? OMG! IT'S HILARIOUS......and annoying.)

Men are beginning to gossip more and more too. The normal "Barbershop Talk" has been common for years and years to come. One thing I can admit though; when men gossip, that talk stays inside the barbershop. When women come out of the beauty salon, they are on their cell phones passing on the information before they even get their second foot out of the door! I knew a few that texts people overheard information while they are sitting in the beauty salon chair! (if this one bit you in the butt, my bad.)

Men constantly complain about women being bitchy and naggy, but hell, it seems to me like the roles have switched drastically. More women, including me, are getting tired of hearing the bitching, moaning and nagging from men, and men are doing a lot more bitching, moaning, and nagging. I had been thinking about this subject anyway, but it was just funny to see some women talking about it on Facebook and Twitter, AND to overhear some women talking about it randomly in Wal Mart!
Something that is really funny to me is that when I call them out about bitching and moaning, they have the same excuse that women have. "IF I DON'T YELL AND THROW A FIT, YOU WON'T HEAR ME!" That .............is..............HILARIOUS!!!!!! And God forbid I just come out and tell them that they are acting like a woman! I would have to take cover!

When I bring up the subject about women wanting to be pampered and taken care of, that opens up a huge argument with the fellas! Men actually comment and say, "Women aren't all that special! Men want to be pampered too!" WTF? I have asked guys to massage my back before, and they will come right back and say, "What do I get in return?" One time, I put up a glorious status about how special women are. A guy actually got on there and commented, "Damn! When are you going to say something about us guys? WE want some attention too!"



I wasn't going to bring this up out of the personal concern that it may step on somebody's toes, but oh well. They should have been equipped with steel toed shoes before they attempted to read a blog that I wrote. Anyway, I feel that spoiled men do not just appear magically. I think the majority of them come from being spoiled by their mothers. The saying that "a lot of men look for women that are like their mothers" is a serious, but deadly truth. A lot of men won't marry a woman unless she is willing to do absolutely everything for him without him having to lift a finger. I heard a story about a guy who still had his mother doing his laundry and he was in his 30's!

Then there are the ones that say, "My mom used to do it for my daddy all the time, so why can't you?"

These are the ones that sat back and watched their mothers break her back to keep the household together...... alone. She was expected to do EVERYTHING and BET' NOT give no attitude about it. She would go to work, come home, tired, and still have to to cook, clean, fix his plate and the kids plates before she sat down to eat. Then, when daddy wants more food on HIS plate, she would stop eating her food to put more food on his plate. Then, she would clean the table, wash the dishes, put the kids to bed, wash clothes, then have sex with daddy after he is done sitting on his ass watching sports while she does the cleaning. Then, she would only have a couple of hours before she gets up for work and to do it all over again. Oh, and not to even mention that she says, "YES, HONEY" to everything that daddy wants and says.





Then, there are the ones that were spoiled by women that were there before you. These guys are the ones that are used to women laying down their coats for them so they can walk over water puddles. It only takes one of them though! A man can get with a woman like that, and expect every single woman after her to be the same way. I know women are to be giving in relationships and marriages; let me clear that up before somebody comments about that, but the line has to be drawn somewhere! A GROWN ASS MAN SHOULD NEVER STOMP, KICK, FOLD HIS ARMS, OR POUT! I'm just saying.

Chivalry is all fudged up too. (Definitely my next blog! Stay tuned~) I have seen a couple of posts on Facebook where men and women have actually gone at it about who is supposed to pay the bill when one is asked out on a date. SMDH! What the hell happened to gentlemen that asked first and just WANTED to show the lady a good time and foot the bill? Guess they are pretty much extinct. #AndI'mThrough

Basketball Wives Mentality

Just about all of us have watched the show. We have seen the extreme messiness that is Shaunie, Evelyn, Jennifer, Tami, Suzi, Royce, and Meeka. We have seen the fights, the back stabbing, the eye rolling, the snitching, the craziness and the ghettoness. Yes, we have all talked about them and said that the show negatively depicts us a Black Women, but what I have yet to hear is the fact that many of us ACT JUST LIKE the women on the show!

So many women talk about and throw verbal jabs at each other. So many of 'us' get some kind of high from being in a confrontation with "The Other Woman". So many of 'us' put too much attention in the wrong guy, and protect his character when somebody else calls us out about being so in love with him. So many of 'us' get extremely upset when another woman approaches us with some unnecessary drama, in which it would be better for us to just walk away from it and pay no attention to it. So many of 'us' go out looking for, or engage in fights with every bit of hope that we win and come out on top, but 'we' receive NO gold medal or compensation for winning. So many of us run and tell something that causes a fight, then 'we' come up missing when the fight jumps off. These listed, and so much more dealing with the show is what I call:

Basketball Wives Mentality.

It's funny listening to or reading posts from some women talk about how "messy' the women on the show are, then in the back of my mind, I'm like, "But wait, weren't you just in the bed with so and so's husband last week?" or, "Weren't you just talking about so and so behind her back this morning?" You talk about them, but you ARE them.

This also boils down to the fact that we don't REALLY think before we speak. We are so busy talking about what somebody else is doing, that we actually FORGET what WE are doing. Talking about somebody else always seems to take away from the messiness of what we are doing ourselves. Never mind that me and so and so don't like each other, but it's huge to talk about how Meeka and Tami don't like each other! Never mind the fact that so and so almost snatched my hair out my scalp yesterday because somebody told her what I said about her, but DANNNNG! Did you see how Tami smacked Meeka? Never mind how I sit and gossip about so and so, but JENNIFER, TAMI, MEEKA, EVELYN AND ROYCE ARE SO MESSY, BECAUSE ALL THEY DO IS TALK ABOUT EACH OTHER!

*SHAKING MY DAMN HEAD!*







It's pure entertainment to watch the messiness of what somebody else is doing or going through, but we have got to start being more careful about what we are doing in our own lives. Media, Online socializing sites, Reality TV and music videos are ruining our lives. Whenever a certain show such as Basketball Wives is set to come on, we break our necks to get to the house to plop right in front of the television to hear the ladies talk about each other, then we jump right on line or on the phone to talk about them.

Honestly, watching Reality TV and watching the actions of other people is what made me sit back a while ago and recognize that I was doing all the same things. Now, the gossip and the ghettoness actually annoys me. Now, I'm not going to sit here and lie like I'm Miss Goody Two Shoes and don't watch Basketball Wives. Actually, earlier, when I said that some people break their necks to get to the front of the tv to watch the show......yeah, that's me, but at least I can say that my life is NOWHERE NEAR as messy as the girls on that show, which brings me to another fact:

YOU HAVE TO REALLY BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHO YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS!

I don't have many. I can count on one hand how many true girl friends I have in my life. I have had the episode more than once, when Evelyn found out that Jennifer had the interview dogging out Chad. I have had the kind of friends that were great friends in front of me, but behind me, they were Jennifer re-made! That's why now, I CAN count them on one hand, and even now, I don't talk about absolutely EVERYTHING with them. Yes, I have the kind of girl friends that I can tell anything too, but come on....a grown woman has to be grown about SOME things. Good girls don't ALWAYS tell. :~)

Watching Basketball Wives can be a danger, subconsciously, to those that don't really know how to control their mind...yes, I do mean that. I'm always talking about how people don't really understand the power of the mind, and if a person doesn't take hold of the controls of their brain, it will take control of them. Well, that goes back to the origination of the Basketball Wives Mentality. Think about it: You see all of these glamorus girls, rich, beautiful, they have it all! I am in total BELIEF that media and television shows keep this mess on tv to keep strife and confusion among women. Think about it; how many shows of MEN do you see like this compared to the shows of women acting a fool with each other?
All they seem to do is sit around, gossip, drink wine, have fun, and......do nothing. What woman wouldn't want that, by a show of hands???

*crickets* .......

because I KNOW I didn't raise my hand! I would love to be able to sit around in a lavish home and talk smack about somebody, DRANK all day, take random trips to Paris just for kicks, so on and so forth! That would be the LIFE, but in actuality, that's NOT the life. We have to work for a living and drink only when we can find time. A lot of us can't dress from head to toe in Dulce, Chanel, etc. So, since we can't do the finer things that they do, we do what we CAN do that they do....gossip and start trouble!

There's no doubt in my mind that the underlying reason why so many women like this show is because of the fact that so many of 'us' are JUST LIKE them. (Look at you! Shaking your head all hard and saying, "B*tch I ain't nothing like them! YOU MIGHT BE!) If many were to do like I did and just sit back and examine our lives, actions, and people we hang around, they may actually be surprised like I was! I came to realize that I was holding on to messy people in my life that really didn't want to be there. I did the whole gossiping thing, the arguing thing, and I tried to dress in a manner in which I though other women would envy me. I have had the misunderstandings and it felt good to have those arguments and feelings that I have won. Not that long ago, my life WAS Basketball Wives. I did all of that, but once you realize that all of that in your life only causes strife and unwanted drama, you will do like me, and just watch the show; just let somebody else act it out.




Pick up your drink, toast, and take a sip to the good life of destroying the Basketball Wives Mentality! (P.S. DAMN! This picture of Evelyn blowing this steam out of her nose is HILARIOUS!) <<<< No, that doesn't qualify as me 'talking about her'. POW!

Trip to New Orleans, Crawfish, Wonderful Culture, and oh yeah...QUIT MY JOB!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! This is just what I needed. Right now, it is Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 12:00 a.m. and I'm sitting in my hotel room in New Orleans, La. I'm sitting here thinking about how good it has been to just be able to get away. My friend guy, who was born and raised in New Orleans, brought me down here as a weekend getaway. I have really enjoyed being able to see some things that I have never seen before. For example: Canal and Bourbon Streets! Wow! Those are my types of places! To just see a different array of people from different backgrounds come together to experience the sites and sounds of this place, post Hurricane Katrina. They have rebuilt so many things and places, but there are a lot of houses that still have the writing on the outsides of them that notify other officials of whether any fatalities were discovered during the search and rescue after the hurricane. I got a chance to eat some of the tastiest crawfish and corn on the cob that I have ever tasted, plus, I found out that I had been eating my crawfish wrong the whole time! Mr. Native of New Orleans, Louisiana taught me the right way :)

I had a extremely tasty shrimp po-boy! Yum Yum!!! The hotsauce was dripping, the pickles were juicy and tasty....Ohhhhhh! How yummy!
I was only here a Friday night, and a Saturday night, so I didn't really get a chance to pack a lot of it in, but I got enough to make me willing to do my next task, and that is to...






I have been struggling with how to do this for a long time. I have even gone so far as to look up blogs on how important it really is to give a two week notice. I have, of course, read SEVERAL blogs that explain why giving a two week notice is so important. Yes, to be able to have that great recommendation from my current boss if I were to ever need her would be great, if I really thought the bitch would give me a good one. I am not going to give a two week notice because I have already accepted employment with another company, in which my training is out of town beginning on April 4, 2011. After training for that position for two weeks, I will return to my town, and begin working with the company full time. Of course this doesn't explain why I am not giving a two week notice, so here is a little history:

I have been working for my current employer for four years now. Actually, in October, I would have been here for five years, and next year, they are supposed to reward me a bullshit plaque that I can totally do without.
I am the only African American female working in the office with three Caucasian females. Feel the drama coming already? Yeah, you should.
I have put in some hellified work for this company. I have had a total of three severe injuries (outside of work) which included a torn Medial Collateral Ligament in my left knee, a fractured right foot, and two major ligaments torn in my right foot as well. (Yes, my right foot has caught hell!) Anyway, out of those three injuries, I only missed a total of 4 days. I was at work, front and center, doing my job. I did not receive any sympathy from my coworkers, including my "boss".
I had to have an emergency dental (surgical) procedure done, and I was taken off work for that weekend by the dentist. When I got to work on Monday morning, my "boss" greeted me with a big fat write up and told me that "You put everybody in a bind when you took off work."

This job has caused me constant anxiety and worry, panic attacks, stress and an ulcer. When I had my first anxiety attack, I went to work the next day and got on the phone with a friend of mine. I hadn't been on the phone for a complete minute, then my "boss" walked to my desk, tapped on it, and said, "You need to get off the phone." When I got off the phone, she had the nerve to tell me to go to the back and file some papers! Now, let me tell you why this ruffled my feathers. I had just got to work, and the night before, I had a major panic attack while I was sitting at my apartment with one of my friends eating some Hooters shrimp. When I got to work, I just picked up the phone, called my friend and told him that I was really worried that I was going to have another panic attack at work, because at that time, I didn't understand what they were, where they came from or whatever. All my mind was telling me is that I was losing my mind and was going to die from it! I didn't have any assignments that needed to be immediately completed, plus, all of us in the office made personal phone calls all the time! Mine just never lasted over an hour like theirs did and still do.

I have had issues with a coworker and I went to her like a woman to discuss them. She then went to the "boss" and tattled on me, in which I, then, got called into the office and "reprimanded", basically, for confronting the coworker with issues that I was concerned about..
There have been commissions stolen from me by coworkers that were never dealt with by my "boss". I felt as if I could never go to her with any concerns, because she is just not the type of person that is easy to talk to.

I was once called into the office and asked if everything was ok in my personal life. When I asked why I was being asked that, the "boss" said because I "sigh" alot.
Ok, I'm going to get on off of that one, because it pisses me off every time I think about that.

We recently hired another Leasing Agent, because the tattle teller was booted up to Assistant Manager. (Yes, this is another reason why I'm leaving.) Since I have been the only Leasing Agent before they hired the new one, this means that I have been the only person in the office answering the phones, showing the model apartment, dealing with upset customers and residents, etc. The only way they were answering the phones was if I was already on the phone with someone, or dealing with a customer. They acted as if they didn't know that this was tiring me out tremendously. I actually saw the "Assistant Manager" look at the phone when it rang and not answer it, because she knew she had the "upper position" and did not have to deal with the constantly ringing ass phones.

The new Leasing Agent that was hired talks too much, and I know I need to get away from her because she is very comfortable with telling me that she would not date black men and her father was an extreme racist. Now, understand; this is just a few things. I have been through so much more with this company. It has weighed me down heavily, and I am so thankful that I have been granted the opportunity to move forward with another company. When I went for the interview, he asked me why I wanted to leave my present employer, and I told the absolute truth. This man actually looked at me and said, "Wow! I see why you want to leave!"

I have typed up my letter of resignation that is effective immediately to my "boss" and another one that I will send to the the Corporate office. The letter to my "boss" actually should have been placed on her desk on Friday evening before I left, but I punked out, but seeing all of these happy, joyous people walking around in New Orleans and getting a taste of different culture and experience has told me to just go on and do it, so I have decided that I will be leaving my notice on her desk tomorrow evening after the office has closed.

Damn a two week notice. Nobody gave me a two week notice that this job would worry me and stress me out to the point that I gained panic attacks, worry, stress, an ulcer and constant migraines. I am going to take the rest of this month off to get myself together for the next job. I already have a friend that works there, that actually helped me to get the position. She is constantly telling me how much she likes working there and how I can just say goodbye to all of the stress I have endured. When I went to the interview, I could tell that all of the associates were happy with where they are. Now, I know that every job has a certain amount of stress, and that's fine, but this mess with this job has been unreal. It's time to go.

I DRIVE BETTER DRUNK!

I understand that this may not be that funny to some people, because unfortunately, a lot of people have experienced the death of a loved one because of drunk driving. Please understand that in NO WAY am I posting this blog to encourage drinking and driving. I am posting this to speak of my OWN PERSONAL experience.

#CarryOn



So I was driving from the casino on Saturday night, and I had drank a couple STRONG long island ice teas. Actually, I had THREE! As I was driving on Highway 61 toward my home, I felt extremely relaxed. I was listening to some music (throwback H-Town cd) and I felt as if I had absolutely no care in the world! I was on cloud 9.....literally! I thought to myself, "Wow! It could be possible that I drive better after I have been drinking!" The reason why this thought crossed my mind is because I suffer from anxiety, and whenever I drive at night, I find myself going through phases of Derealization. That is the feeling and sensation that you are dreaming that you are there when you really are there.
Derealization is very hard to describe. I also feel high levels of panic at times when I am driving down long, dark roads by myself or across long bridges.

Alcohol is known to calm you, so that's exactly what it did for me when I was driving home from the casino! I felt GOOD! Obviously, I wasn't too drunk to the point where I couldn't drive at all. (Trust me, if I had gotten to that point where I couldn't drive at all, I wouldn't have gotten behind the wheel.)

I felt like my mind was at ease, and I didn't have any bouts of anxiety. I didn't feel panicky, and actually, when I got home, I really didn't want to get out of the car because I didn't want that relaxed feeling to end! I just wanted to keep driving down the long road with "that feeling". I felt in control!

I can't say that I will actually try it again, because I do understand that driving while intoxicated is never a smart move, but it was just something about that night that relaxed me. I am going to New Orleans this weekend, but I'm not driving. There is a long bridge that I have to cross over, (about 20 minutes of bridge), so I'm sure I will take a couple shots before I get to that point. I bet "that feeling" of calm is even better on the passenger's side! Wow! Can't wait! LOL!

So, Kim Kardashian is singing now. Womp Womp! *insert blank stare here!* I really hate it for the many people that would love to get into the music business, but is having such a hard time doing so. I mean, there are some people out here that has extreme talent, but they can't catch a break to save their lives! But here comes this "socialite" making a song that sounds like something that somebody's baby wrote, and she makes it at the drop of a hat! The song sucks, by the way. I saw a comment on another blog that said that the song sounded like one of those Kids Bop songs; that is exactly what it sounds like! Seriously though....what does Kim Kardashian even do?

Paris Hilton did it too, and she is no more than a socialite as well. I guess if you show your face in the hottest places, you can grab a mic and do your thing whenever you are ready! Hey Kim and Paris, Just because you are well known for your big butt and injection filled face, doesn't mean you can belt out a tune like Minnie Riperton. This song is a calamity! Now, before somebody thinks I'm "hating", let me explain this; I am nowhere near jealous of someone that becomes famous by making a home made porn video. Have some respect for yourself! You disrespected yourself when you made that porn tape, and you are killing yourself fast with this dumb song! Post the link in your browser to hear the song. Check it at the bottom......if you even care. #HatedIt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvXeaei41VY

Relationship Anxiety....Yep! I Got It!

Yes, it is really a such thing. I have had so many train wrecks that I have called "relationships", to the point where I am just not really happy about getting too close to anybody else.


When I first heard about Relationship Anxiety, I actually heard of it on the Wayans Brothers sitcom that used to come on the WB a little while ago. Shawn, the older brother, had gotten stood up by his high school girlfriend for the prom, which caused him to never trust another woman ever again. Years later, he and his brother pondered the reasons why Shawn suffered so badly from R.A, only to find out that the girl did not stand him up; she had sent a letter by Marlon, his younger brother, explaining that she would not be able to attend the prom with him, but his younger, slightly dingy brother forgot to give him the letter.

Well, I actually suffer from the same thing. A relationship that I had that ended around January of 2007 has me this way. I really don't care to speak a lot of about the relationship, but let's just say that when he decided to drop me for good, I felt like I absolutely wanted my life to end. I had never, ever felt that way about someone ever before in my years of dating. I was so in love with this guy, and when he broke up with me, I had to tear my feelings away from him. That is the hardest thing to do when you are absolutely head over heels for a person, and they just pull away from you. His excuse was, "I just don't really want to be in a relationship right now." He told me this after months of devoting myself to him.




Now, when I date someone, it's hard to commit. It's hard to totally just "try". Of course it's not fair, but this is something serious that I suffer with. Will I ever get over it? I don't know. And of course hearing about all of the devastating relationships that end in high turmoil and calamity don't make it any worse either. It seems like nobody's relationships work anymore. It almost seems as if people are out to hurt the feelings of the ones they date for some reason.

I still think that people cheat on their mates because they are lacking something within themselves. It also has to do with greed. Whenever a person gets with someone that they know is good to them, they go out and attempt to find somebody else, because they know that person will be there no matter what, so they go out and get something "else". I can't say that guy that broke it off with me in 2007 had cheated on me, totally, but I do know that after telling me that he didn't want a relationship, he ended up getting with a younger girl that I ended up moving into my apartment complex right across from me! Yep! Sho' did! That's another blog. Stay tuned for that one....






But like I was saying, I don't know if he fully cheated on me, but I did find some texts in his phone where he had been trying to visit the girl he was with before he and I got together. So, here I was, giving my absolute all to this guy, being the sweet little girlfriend that was with him through thick and thin, I was cooking food and fixing his plate before I sat down to eat for myself, I was cleaning his home and making sure all of his clothes were clean, as well as keeping myself up to look good for him, all for what........for him to not want me anymore.

The little things that I named that I did for him isn't even the tip of the iceburg. Honestly, I think where I messed up is when I let him know that I was in love and wanted to truly be his all, but isn't that bullshit though? I was giving my all, but my all wasn't enough. He still wanted to move on, and I had no choice but to let him. Now, I can't say that he is the total reason; I had had a few heart breaks before, but that one was the one that pushed me over the edge of IDGAF'ville, and I have been living there ever since.

After going through all of that pain and hurt, I haven't been the same ever since. Now, when someone tries to get close to me, I start to pull away like a little scared kitten. It's like I can't help it. Even if I see someone that I like, I can be after him for a while, and when he starts to show me some interest, I start to back away from him. It's absolutely crazy! I find each and every little thing wrong that I don't like about a person that I'm dating, and it can be something as minor as "his shoes are too shiny."

The whole thing about R.A. is not wanting to allow someone to get so close to you that they have any chance under the sky to hurt you. Mine is like a natural . defense; I have tried to make it go away, but it just won't. I think it's more fun to just live life freely by dating from time to time, going out, dancing, having a drink or two, meeting up to listen to old school music while drinking on something that gives you a quick buzz, then sending that ass home.

There was once a time when I would date someone, I would be all into that person to the point that I couldn't wait to talk to them. I couldn't wait to spend all my time with them. I used to be the "touchy, feely" type of person that would love nothing more than to just sit around in her man's arms and cuddle." But now.....I'm a whole lot different. I don't cuddle, I don't hold hands in public, I don't like to feel crowded, I have to have my space, and I want to converse with more than one guy at a time. No, before you get your drawz in a bunch and say that I'm nasty or something, sex is not involved with everyone. It's all about having fun and not having to answer to anyone. PERIOD!

Who knows; maybe I will get over this one day, maybe not. The best thing about this is the fact that I don't have to answer to anybody, and I know I won't get my heart broken. Relationship Anxiety is real. I just touched on a small portion of it. To get more information about it, google it. There is a lot of info on it.

"Tameka! When are you getting married?"

So, I ran into a classmate today. I walked over and talked to her, hugged, and said "Heeeey girl!" and all that. Of course we got into the "Where you living now?", and the "How many kids do you have?" Yadda, yadda, and all that jazz. Then, it was time for her to ask me those dreaded questions. *bleh*.

I went on to tell her that I'm STILL not married, and I STILL don't want any children. She said what everybody else always says,......"Aw come on girl! You have to have a least ONE!" Ok, so, are these people saying that I need to go on and pop out a baby, even if I don't get married? As if "single motherdome" is not running rampant enough!
Anyway, I always get this exact same reaction from people. Even my mom tells me that she runs into people all the time that say, "Girl, Tameka hasn't given you a grand baby yet?" and she, of course, PROUDLY says, "NO!"

What is it about people that think that I'm SUPPOSED to be married along with a house full of hungry crumb snatchers? Of course I'm 33 years old now, and I have no thought in my mind that I will be having any babies anytime soon. Sorry to disappoint those that are sitting back anxiously awaiting the arrival of "Little Tameka", but it just ain't happnin' Cap'n!

Basically, there are no rules that say that a woman, or a man for the point of this case, has to be married and chasing kids at a certain age. I had actually started to think that maybe my mentality just hadn't caught up with everybody else, because "everybody else is doing it." I'm good though, because I'm just not ready. I take things at my own pace. When I was was once following the crowd, I did what the crowd did. This is something that I have to be glad that I don't follow the crowd for, because a lot of the people that I know have gone on to get married, and pop out all of these kids, gotten fat, and don't look happy at all. I know so many people that I graduated with that have already been married and divorced, and many women that are now left with children to care for on their own. Yeah, that's something I'm not looking forward to anytime soon. Thanks, but no thanks.

I have to be honest thought; there once was a time when I would almost run and hide when someone would look at me like I had committed a crime when I tell them that I am still not married, and still haven't had any children. I felt like I SHOULD be married. Here I am grown, and with no steady man in my life, and no kids to love and call my own. That's exactly the thoughts I had, until I started realizing, "HEY! ALL OF MY RELATIONSHIPS SUCK ANYWAY!", and I couldn't, and STILL can't imagine having children by any of the bumbs I dated! I have dodged SEVERAL hot, burning bullets! THANK YA!!! HAPPY DANCE TIME!!!

The point of this is to just live your life. I'm not in a rush to get married, push out any babies, or none of that. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Oh well! I will still live and be happy. I came in the world alone, and I don't mind riding the waves all the way to the end the same way.

Don't Dump Everybody Else When You Start Dating

I have seen this happen too many times before, and I'm not saying that I'm so perfect to the point that I have never done it. I mean, don't get me wrong....I AM perfect, but hey, I only get better! (tee hee hee)

Anyway, all jokes aside, I have seen too many women that get into relationships and seem to forget that they had a life before "he" came along. The fact that women STILL do this actually JUST slapped me in the face a couple of days ago. I have an associate that started dating a guy that she had already voiced that she wasn't completely happy with anyway, but she is deciding to stick it out with him. *insert confused faced here.* We had made plans to attend a social event that, at one time, we never missed! The event happens once a month, and we were always so excited about it that we almost took days off work to attend!

Anyway, she backed out, because it was his birthday. Now, don't get me wrong; her wanting to spend time with her "boo" on his birthday is an absolutely wonderful thing, and if I was all out serious about someone, I'm sure I would do the same thing, but we had already made plans to do attend the event! Since she has been seeing this guy, I hardly ever talk to her at all! She doesn't really call, and when I attempt to make plans to go out and have some girl talk, she never can go.

So of course you are reading this saying, "Ok, well maybe you need to get a man and stop hatin' on your friend because she has one.", or, perhaps you are saying that I'm the bitter single friend that every woman should avoid when she is in a relationship.
Well, I'm here to tell you that both of those statements are wrong. All I'm saying is to never put all of your time and effort in a relationship from the jump. You should always remember that "relationships" are always great in the beginning, but once you start to really know each other, that's when you get tired of the other person and you are ready to start back spending time with the ones that you left behind to give all your time to the "buggaboo".

A woman should NEVER put all of her time in with a man from the get go, and not have time for herself. That leaves so much room for her to lose herself in the guy and totally give up on what makes her happy. The same people that were there for your before "he" came along, won't be so delighted to be there for you when "he" is gone.

It is always important to remember balance for all the people in your life. When a man sees that you are willing to give your everything, and your all for him, he will take it and run with it. He will know that he has you as a doormat, and won't feel bad when he begins to treat you as such. You will never catch a man canceling all of his plans with his "boys" to spend time with you. If he does, don't expect it to happen all the time. The oohs and ahhs of the new guy can leave you feeling so warm and fuzzy on the inside, but look at the truth: the warm and fuzzy feeling almost always go away! It never fails.

Up Again, and Bored in North Mississippi. *sigh*

A lot of my readers know that I talk a lot about moving away. I always picture myself on the sands of Malibu, California, or in the busy streets of Atlanta, Georgia. A lot may wonder why I haven't left yet; well, that's simple: my lease agreement! I'm not the one to break a lease agreement, no matter how bad the situation is. I think I have made up my mind to join the streets of Atlanta at the end of this year though. I don't think I'm ready for California yet. I'm so used to growing up in a small country town, so I'm sure the bright city lights will scare me like a little lost cat, and I will shake like a little lost puppy while I hide in a corner or something, but after the millions of panic attacks, sweat outbreaks and anxiety, I should be fine!

I know I can't just make up my mind to leave and that be it. No, it's going to take a plan. A BIG plan. Sure, I have moved away before and had no clue at all what I was going to do when I got to my destination. As a matter of fact, I can remember moving to Michigan to join my aunt's family. On my way to Michigan on the Amtrak, I don't even think I worried at all about what I was going to do when I got there. I just lived my life in a way when I would take things one day at a time. I'm trying to get my life back into that position. After suffering from so much anxiety and stress on the job, all I do is worry, even when I'm not at work, but I will do this moving thing differently. I'm off work today and tomorrow, so maybe I can sit around the house and just think of some different things that can be done when I get there. i.e., the type of job I will look for, I will get information on the different apartment communities, night life, etc. I'm not ashamed to say that a huge part of why I want to move away is because of night life. I am so tired of being bored around here. There is absolutely nothing to do around here but go to the clubs. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind going to a nice club every now and then, but the key word is "Nice".

Even if there was a lot to do around here, then I would have to find women with similar interests that wouldn't mind going out to have a drink and some fun! Women in this area aren't interested in learning anything new, or seeing anything different. I need to be around a whole different breed.
Now, in no way, shape, or form am I putting down the town where I grew up, and I will even go so far as to say that I'm not putting down the little town I live in now, but I will say that this little area is not for me. I feel like an ant stuck in a jar trying to find a way out. Life has got to be better than this.

I have been so bored and disgusted with this area lately that I have been lashing out on people around me. I know it's not a good thing, but sometimes I can't help it. It's time for a change, it's time for a change, it's time for a CHANGE!

Yikes! It's even kind of scary to even think about it right now, you know, moving to a bigger city, seeing way more people that are into going out and having fun, seeing new things, and learning new ways to do things, but something deep down tells me that I will manage!

So Facebook Is Your Outlet?

There are too many grown ass people using Facebook to say what they want to say. There was a post from an associate that said, "Don't tell me when you can celebrate with me. It's my birthday and I say when we celebrate since it's all about me! Self centered people really irk me."

Ok, let me tell you why this ruffled my feathers. Her birthday was a couple of days ago, and she is having some kind of little party tonight. First of all, I didn't even get an invite. Secondly, I told her that I would like to take her for drinks tomorrow if she was up to it. So, are you making the connection? I told her that I could take her for drinks,and I offered the time that I would be able to do so, so of course, she was talking about me, right?

Well, not according to her. I posted on her status, "Wowwwwww! I'm sorry for inviting you for drinks the day after your party." So, she sent me an inbox note and said that the status was not about me. Yeah right, you little ugly ass coward! Of course I know this dang status was about me, since I did offer to celebrate with you, AND I gave a time.

I am so over over people that are cowards, and that use that site, or any other site for that matter, as their outlet to say whatever they want to say. I see it all the time; so many people put subliminal messages on these sites with hopes that who they are talking about will see it, but not see it. I told her that if she is going to put up a status like that, then she has to deal with the comments that she gets. Shouldn't that be obvious anyway? I guess not! Whatever! That's why I don't have "friends" in the area that I'm in. I only have two true friends that I can call my own that I know for a fact wouldn't do any underhanded lame, coward crap like that. I feed a lot of people with a long handled spoon, and this blog is a big example of why.

And Men STILL don't understand why we keep an attitude...

I hate being a bitch. I really do, but what else is there to be when you have men that can't accept the fact that you are not interested? In some cases, persistence is great! It is even sexy, depending on how it's done and who is doing the chasing, but when a woman says, "I'm not interested", and she means it, that should be the end of the conversation.

There have been two situations in which I really felt like grabbing something and driving it all the way through the bodies of men. One time, a friend girl and I were at a bar chillin'. I think I was going through something at that time, so I wanted a drink, and she agreed to go with me to hear me out as I ranted and raved about whatever it was that I was going through. A short, fat guy walked up and started a conversation with us. I wasn't in the mood for talking to him, so I didn't smile and make him think that I was interested. He turned to me and said, "I have a friend down there that is really interested in talking to you." Ok, first of all, that's a grown ass man down there! Why didn't he bring his tall lanky ass down here and tell me that for himself? 2nd of all, why did he send Santa's funny looking elf to deliver the message, and 3rd of all, I'm not interested.

So, I tell the fella that I'm not interested in meeting anybody. He goes on and says, "Well, why don't you two come down here and sit with us for a little while. No strings attached, we are just watching the game and want a little company."
I gave him my patented look which says, "I'm about two seconds off your ass" and said, "Thank you for the invite, but we didn't come here to meet anybody. We just came to chat and have girl talk." Even after that, Dumpy STILL insisted on us coming down there, so I just cut him off in mid sentence and turned around and started talking to the bartender. He told me that I was wrong for doing that, and I explained to him that I had already told him twice that I was not interested in conversing, and at that point, it was up to him to keep talking to me. I was cutting the conversation off. After this happened, he paid for my friend girl's drink and not mine.....Awwwwww boo hoo!




Negro please! I flipped out 3 CRISP $100.00 bills to tear off one to pay for my own shit! ( I mean, yeah, that was my light bill and cell phone bill money, but Dumpy didn't have to know that!)

Another incident: A friend girl and I, actually, it was the same girl. We are no longer friends, but we were friends at that time...but anyway. She and I were at a different location to have drinks and listen to music. A guy approached and started talking. I spoke to him and he proceeded to talk to my friend. After realizing that I wasn't engaging myself in the conversation, he called me "Anti-Social". Sigh....No, I'm not anti-social. I just don't talk when I don't want to. Of course he got mad at me and had no more words for me. Yep! You guessed it...Awwwwww boo hoo!



I honestly feel that a lot of men are so used to women falling all over them and giving them attention, that they don't know how to react when a woman actually says "No". There are too many women out there that fall for the sweet talk, but then again, there are women out there that fall when a man says, "Hello". Well, I'm just not one of them. I don't see myself as being anti-social, mean, bitter or whatever. I just don't talk when I don't want to. Don't get me wrong about this either: I go out a lot to meet new people, mix and mingle. Matter of fact, I love meeting new people, but it is is a common mistake to think that women are out to meet new men, or to be approached just because she is seen out with her friends, or alone. This should be cleared up right now!



I am very content with myself. I can go out alone and sit at a bar and have a nice drink, develop a buzz, and go into my own little world without friends being with me, or a man approaching me. There are a lot of women that are happy with just going out and having fun. Yes, there are some women that get all grooved up and shiny to go out to be approached, but men should begin to recognize the difference. If a man approaches a woman and she responds with a smile and invites him to have a seat next to her to converse, then hey, that's your girl, but if a woman tells a man that she is not interested and that she is out to just enjoy herself, then he should just leave her alone! Every woman is not a desperate bird! True, a lot of us are, but a lot of us are not! Girl's Just Wanna Have Funnnnnnn! Go Cyndi Lauper!